Mr. Phelps didn't get the memo.

It's been a pretty good week for Michael Phelps. Fifteen medals, ten of which were gold, he set a new world record every time he entered the pool, he got to make out with that hot Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice, and now that the olympics are over he gets to go back to the states and immerse himself in corporate money via endorsements!

Now, I don't have a lot of respect for famous people who whore their visages out to corporations to become the face of a certain product, but I will give the person some slack if they actually like the product (or if they need the money, but that's another story for another time).

Everyone's heard about Michael Phelp's legendary diet... 57,000 calories a day I think. Alls the guy does is eat, sleep, fuck Australians, and swim. Guy eats a box of Frosted Flakes every morning. Motherfucker is not going to hide that shit. Boy loves the sugar. So when Phelps won his seventeenth medal, American corporations smelled blood in the water. Good looking guy, fifteen minutes of fame, Olympics = America, fuck yeah! Get this kid to sign his face over so we can put it on our product.

Naturally, Wheaties, the Breakfast of Champions, (because they say so, apparently) wants the guy to whore himself out so GM can sell boxes of cereal. But wait! Phelps signs with Kellogg instead; he wants to endorse Frosted Flakes because GASP - he actaully eats that shit and loves it! Imagine that. Now Wheaties throws a hissy fit and gets all these nutrition "experts" to bash him in the media:

"I would not consider Frosted Flakes the food of an Olympian," nutritionist Rebecca Solomon of Mount Sinai Medical Center told the NY Daily News http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/2008olympics/2008/08/19/2008-08-19_breakfast_of_a_champion_frosted_flakes_p.html

O RLY??? You wouldn't? Well guess what, Bex, I got someone who disagrees with you, he's called PHELPS THE DESTROYER, and he's got seventeen gold medals and a mouthful of Australian Swimmer pussy that says you're wrong.

Hey Phelps, you missed the memo! You're not supposed to endorse products that you LIKE, dumbass. What the fuck? Olympic champions endorse WHEATIES. Did you miss that while facebooking on your ipod for the last eight years??

Do what you're supposed to do! Or do a little good old-fashioned American whoring and go straight for the money! Like Rachel Ray, who plasters her Long Island-esque face all over Dunkin Donuts commercials yet screams at on-set interns to go get her Starbucks coffee while she's filming the god damn Dunkin Donuts commercial. What? You don't have enough money from your cookbook and your goddamn tv show, you have to LIE about how much you like Dunkin Donuts so they'll give you MORE money?? Fucking sad.